Affairs happen for many reasons, and they happen to all different
types of people. Affairs know no social distinction. If you are the
victim of an affair, you are probably sitting around, angry and
humiliated, and unsure of what to do.
Before you make any hasty decision, like leaving your spouse, it's important to understand why your spouse cheated on you. Spouses cheat for a myriad of reasons, and men and women stray for different reasons.
The basic thought is that when one spouse's needs aren't being met, they seek someone who can meet those needs. Often times, sex is not the primary reason for someone straying, although it is more common for men to cheat just for sex than it is for women. Women tend to cheat emotionally, which can ultimately lead to a sexual relationship.
Whether you spouse has had an affair, or if you just think they are, you need to establish the fact that something is wrong with your marriage. Something is making them step outside of the relationship, and something is making you feel as though they are. What typically happens is that spouses fail to communicate and understand each others needs.
My suggestion is to write down your top 5 needs, and have your partner do the same. Discuss these needs and develop ways to meet each others needs and expectations. By doing this, you are overcoming a major hurdle in any relationship, which is communication barrier. You are opening up and fully understanding what your partner needs from you, and vice versa.
This alone is critical in a relationship. It leads to so many more positive things. You will learn what activities each other likes, the way your needs change, and how well you are succeeding at meeting each others needs. By doing this small task, communicating, you are developing a transparency between the two of you. You are fully aware of each other and your likes and dislikes. Knowing this much about your spouse leads to building a more trusting bond between the two of you, and your feelings of your spouse cheating will fade. They will also feel less likely to betray you because their needs are being met at home.
So before you decide to just give up and divorce your spouse, look at the underlying problems in your relationship. Establish what is wrong in your relationship and evaluate the ability to overcome these challenges. You have known your spouse for so long, developed an intimacy that you haven't shared with anyone else, and committed to a life of love together. Are you ready to throw it all away?
Write down the positive things you and your spouse share. Write down how they make you feel, what you have accomplished together, and what you plan and dream about for the future. Put a value on how much these things mean to you. Now think about whether or not you would like to continue on these joyous journey, or quit now, and try to establish this all over again.
Don't you think you owe it to yourself to give this a try? I think your spouse will even want to try it when they see that you are committed to meeting and understanding the needs they have. It's easy to give up. You could just walk away, be angry and depressed forever, and never trust anyone again. That may also satisfy society and your family, because they really don't know what you are experiencing. They just think they know what's best for you.
But if you have a relationship worth saving, and you aren't ready to just give up, and you think you will miss your spouse and wonder about what could have been, then I encourage you to make it work. Marriage with someone you love is blissful, and if you have someone you love, don't cave into what others want. Find a support group of people like you, who have gone through what you are going through, and lean on them for guidance and support.
You are not alone, and this is not your fault. You can get past this and go on to live a wonderful life with the
Before you make any hasty decision, like leaving your spouse, it's important to understand why your spouse cheated on you. Spouses cheat for a myriad of reasons, and men and women stray for different reasons.
The basic thought is that when one spouse's needs aren't being met, they seek someone who can meet those needs. Often times, sex is not the primary reason for someone straying, although it is more common for men to cheat just for sex than it is for women. Women tend to cheat emotionally, which can ultimately lead to a sexual relationship.
Whether you spouse has had an affair, or if you just think they are, you need to establish the fact that something is wrong with your marriage. Something is making them step outside of the relationship, and something is making you feel as though they are. What typically happens is that spouses fail to communicate and understand each others needs.
My suggestion is to write down your top 5 needs, and have your partner do the same. Discuss these needs and develop ways to meet each others needs and expectations. By doing this, you are overcoming a major hurdle in any relationship, which is communication barrier. You are opening up and fully understanding what your partner needs from you, and vice versa.
This alone is critical in a relationship. It leads to so many more positive things. You will learn what activities each other likes, the way your needs change, and how well you are succeeding at meeting each others needs. By doing this small task, communicating, you are developing a transparency between the two of you. You are fully aware of each other and your likes and dislikes. Knowing this much about your spouse leads to building a more trusting bond between the two of you, and your feelings of your spouse cheating will fade. They will also feel less likely to betray you because their needs are being met at home.
So before you decide to just give up and divorce your spouse, look at the underlying problems in your relationship. Establish what is wrong in your relationship and evaluate the ability to overcome these challenges. You have known your spouse for so long, developed an intimacy that you haven't shared with anyone else, and committed to a life of love together. Are you ready to throw it all away?
Write down the positive things you and your spouse share. Write down how they make you feel, what you have accomplished together, and what you plan and dream about for the future. Put a value on how much these things mean to you. Now think about whether or not you would like to continue on these joyous journey, or quit now, and try to establish this all over again.
Don't you think you owe it to yourself to give this a try? I think your spouse will even want to try it when they see that you are committed to meeting and understanding the needs they have. It's easy to give up. You could just walk away, be angry and depressed forever, and never trust anyone again. That may also satisfy society and your family, because they really don't know what you are experiencing. They just think they know what's best for you.
But if you have a relationship worth saving, and you aren't ready to just give up, and you think you will miss your spouse and wonder about what could have been, then I encourage you to make it work. Marriage with someone you love is blissful, and if you have someone you love, don't cave into what others want. Find a support group of people like you, who have gone through what you are going through, and lean on them for guidance and support.
You are not alone, and this is not your fault. You can get past this and go on to live a wonderful life with the
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